"Often, these expectations are unspoken. A parent might have spent years believing you'd 'step in one day,' even if that was never discussed. When you finally say you can't, guilt and fear can flood in, but honesty is an act of love, too. There is no point offering something you cannot emotionally or financially afford, she added. So, try to stay clear-sighted and precise about what you're really able to offer - even if that doesn't feel like much."
"Maybe you can help plan for future care, find resources, or support them emotionally, but you can't take on full-time or financial responsibility. That's not neglect; that's setting a boundary rooted in realism and care, the psychiatrist said. She recommends saying something like, "Mum, I love you and want you to be well supported as you get older. But I can't be your full-time caregiver. I'd like to help you make a plan so you'll have what you need.""
Unspoken expectations can lead adult children to be assumed future caregivers, creating pressure and potential guilt. Honest communication about limitations prevents unrealistic commitments and reduces risk of burnout, resentment, and crisis. Offer realistic support such as planning for future care, finding resources, and emotional assistance while making clear inability to assume full-time or financial responsibility. Respond to parental fear, anger, or sadness with calm empathy and reassurance that planning protects both parties. Seek guidance from professionals experienced in ageing and family dynamics when conversations become difficult. Use available helplines and support services for immediate help.
Read at BuzzFeed
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