The Seattle Mariners Are In Their Etsy Witch Era | Defector

The Seattle Mariners Are In Their Etsy Witch Era | Defector

Briefly

"But undue optimism never fails! At least, as the past few weeks have taught us, when it's powered by witchcraft. On Sept. 5, Twitter user @notB0bR055 posted "I HAVE PAID AN ETSY WITCH TO UNFUCK THE MARINERS, BESTIES HELP ME MANIFEST 🙏🙏🙏🙏," and later that day posted the official confirmation of the spell, which cost $19.99 and was cast by Etsy retailer SpellByLuna (she is currently not selling on Etsy)."

"What happened next-the Mariners absolutely smashed the Atlanta Braves in the remaining two games of their series, first 10-2, and then 18-2-can be interpreted two ways. One: It was a coincidence. Two: The effects of the Powerful Custom Spell with Same Day Casting and Fast Results were, indeed, felt immediately. The 18-2 shellacking, which included Cal Raleigh's 53rd home run of the season and another Josh Naylor stolen base, was enough for the Mariners' social media to declare, in professionally understated lapslock, "shoutout to the etsy witch." And that was before the win streak really became a win streak."

"The newly unfucked Mariners proceeded to win six more games, all by a margin of two runs or less. They capped off a three-game series sweep of the St. Louis Cardinals with some of the magic that has defined the absurd fun-differential iteration of this team: a 13-inning win that culminated in 22-year-old rookie catcher Harry Ford working a walk-off sac fly."