"When foster youth act out, whether through tantrums, withdrawal, or defiance, society too often labels them as "problem kids." Teachers may see them as disruptive, caregivers describe them as manipulative, and even professionals sometimes misdiagnose them. But what looks "hysterical" on the surface is often the child's best attempt to survive overwhelming loss. As I often remind parents and clinicians: what appears hysterical is usually historical."
"This phrase, first popularized in family therapy and trauma work, means that behaviors that seem extreme in the present usually trace back to earlier painful experiences. For foster youth, a meltdown can occur when passing McDonald's because they remember seeing their birth family there (many child welfare visits occur in McDonald's restaurants across the country), or a defiant refusal to follow rules may be tied to memories of chaos, neglect, or abandonment in their family of origin or a prior foster home."
"Why Behaviors Get Misread All children test limits, struggle with identity, and have meltdowns at times. But foster youth often display these behaviors at greater intensity, frequency, and for longer durations. A missed curfew may not just be teenage rebellion but also a test: "Will you still want me if I break the rules?" A meltdown during a classroom transition may not be about control; it may reflect anxiety rooted in early experiences of sudden change without support."
Behaviors that seem extreme in foster youth often trace back to earlier painful experiences, losses, and survival strategies. Meltdowns can be triggered by sensory reminders such as passing McDonald's where birth-family visits occurred, and defiant refusals may connect to memories of chaos, neglect, or abandonment. A missed curfew can be a relational test about continued acceptance. Transitions may provoke anxiety rooted in sudden unsupported change. When adults label or punish these behaviors as manipulation, the youth's attempts at connection are silenced, perpetuating isolation. Reframing behavior from judgment to curiosity fosters compassion, healing, and stronger caregiver–youth relationships.
Read at Psychology Today
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