"In my previous post, I explained why your Halloween candy rules keep backfiring. Control-based approaches create sneaking, obsession, and battles that leave nobody's needs met. Kids want autonomy and inclusion while parents want competence and ease - and traditional rules don't address either set of needs. So what works instead? A collaborative approach where you and your child create agreements together. This isn't about being permissive or letting kids eat unlimited candy. It's about involving them in finding solutions that work for your whole family."
"Your child might be experiencing frustration when they want autonomy over their treats. Or sadness when they see friends participating freely in Halloween traditions like trading that they can't be a part of - they want to belong in their friend group. You might be worried about your child's health and eating, or overwhelmed by regular arguments about food. When we aren't sure how to handle candy, we might try to control the situation because we fear something bad will happen if we don't."
Control-based Halloween candy rules create sneaking, obsession, and battles because they do not meet children's need for autonomy or parents' need for competence. A collaborative approach has parents and children co-create reasonable agreements that balance inclusion and limits without permissiveness. Identifying specific feelings and needs—such as a child's desire to belong or a parent's worry about health—enables creative, acceptable strategies. Practical measures include pairing candy with protein to prevent energy crashes and keeping a journal to reveal when bedtime meltdowns stem from sleep deprivation rather than sugar. The goal is shared solutions that support long-term healthy relationships with food.
Read at Psychology Today
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