"One key insight from these observations is that when teachers correct kids when they are engaging in unwanted behavior, many kids shut down or escalate, becoming defiant, melting down, or getting more aggressive. This is especially true for kids who are highly sensitive, big reactors, by nature. They are quick to shame and process corrections as indictments of their personhood. They get so flooded with emotion that they can't process whatever lesson the adult is trying to impart."
"Instead of: "Stop knocking over your friend's tower. That's not nice. Look at how sad he is," which is overwhelming and shaming, and either shuts kids down or escalates them - neither of which results in any helpful lesson or positive behavior change - I said: "Do you need to knock something over? No problem, you can build your own structure to knock down." I then guided the child to start building his own tower. Problem solved. Lesson learned. No shaming."
Preschool children, especially highly sensitive or easily reactive ones, often interpret corrections as shaming and respond by shutting down or escalating into defiance, meltdowns, or aggression. Flooding with emotion prevents them from processing corrective lessons, so corrections fail to produce positive behavior change. A more effective strategy is to skip direct correction and instead guide the child toward an acceptable "wanted" behavior that satisfies the same need. For example, offer a child who wants to knock something over an opportunity to build a personal structure to knock down, or redirect tactile tapping during circle time into an appropriate activity. This approach reduces shame, meets needs, and teaches behavior supportively.
Read at Psychology Today
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