"Daniel tells me his wife has turned their children against him, blaming him for the divorce. Maggie tells me that her children refuse to see her, talk to her, or even respond to text messages. Poppy, who is only 12, says she wants nothing to do with her father and is prepared to starve herself until the judge changes the custody arrangement."
"Parents who speak negatively of each other or pull their children into disputes are setting up a situation where kids feel they need to pick sides. The child may feel they need to support the more vulnerable parent or the parent they believe was "wronged." Sometimes a parent consciously or unconsciously tries to ally with the children, causing the children to reject or refuse contact with a parent. At times, this evolves into "parental alienation.""
"Sometimes the rejection of a parent stems from the relationship or attachment with that parent from before the divorce. If a parent was distant emotionally or less present physically, the child will cling to the parent who has felt more secure or stable. Younger children are apt to cling to the parent who has been their primary attachment, as they fear loss and abandonment. Older kids may have a strong sense of morality or judgment, or anger, and are developmentally more likely to"
Divorce is emotionally overwhelming for children who may feel caught in loyalty conflicts, blame one parent, fear loss, and cling to the parent who seems more secure. Anxiety about custody arrangements, financial instability, and rapid changes can push children toward one parent for safety. Parental conflict and negative remarks about the other parent are the most damaging influences and can force children to pick sides or support the parent they perceive as vulnerable or wronged. Some parents consciously or unconsciously ally with children, causing rejection or refusal of contact and sometimes parental alienation. Preexisting distant attachments increase the likelihood of rejection.
Read at Psychology Today
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