"The paradox is that feeling loved is earned not through achieving perfection but through presenting more of your full self - your values, experiences, quirks, and dreams, even the small, unpolished details of your daily life. Sharing your struggles and imperfections can build connection, too, but feeling loved isn't just about revealing your flawed, imperfect self - it's about revealing what truly matters to you."
"The blessing is that showing your full self is fully within your control. In fact, it's a lot easier than contorting yourself into someone else's ideal image. Many people believe that in order to feel more loved, they must persuade others to love them more - as if they were trying to sell someone a new car. Years of empirical studies and observation suggest that this approach is ineffective."
"Feeling loved doesn't hinge on oversharing or baring your soul to just anyone. It doesn't mean unloading your trials and tribulations in the first five minutes after meeting. It means selectively and progressively revealing parts of yourself in a way that fosters genuine connection."
Feeling loved is achieved through presenting your authentic self rather than perfecting an image or showing off. The paradox is that connection builds not through flawlessness but through sharing your values, experiences, quirks, struggles, and what truly matters to you. However, this doesn't mean oversharing indiscriminately or revealing everything immediately to strangers. Instead, selective and progressive self-disclosure fosters genuine connection. The key insight is that feeling loved depends primarily on your mindset and actions rather than convincing others to love you more. This approach is within your control and easier than contorting yourself into someone else's ideal image. Research shows that attempting to persuade others to love you through self-presentation is ineffective.
#authentic-self-disclosure #relationship-psychology #emotional-connection #mindset-and-relationships #vulnerability-and-authenticity
Read at Harvard Gazette
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