"I visited the hospital regularly, bringing cookies and offering support to his girlfriend, who is also in the program. During my last visit, I unknowingly arrived at the exact moment doctors began withdrawing life support. I had no idea it was going to happen and witnessed the kind of raw grief that comes in moments like that. Afterward, I hugged his girlfriend and quietly left."
"You must not blame yourself for something you didn't know. During the weeks you visited that man and his girlfriend at the hospital, I am sure you brought comfort to the girlfriend and any family member you encountered. The next time you see her, tell her how sorry you are for her loss, that you didn't realize how close her boyfriend was to the end and apologize if your presence caused anybody pain. (I am sure it did not!)"
A member of Alcoholics Anonymous visited an injured fellow member and his girlfriend regularly in the ICU, bringing cookies and support. During one visit, the visitor unexpectedly arrived as doctors began withdrawing life support and witnessed intense, raw grief. The visitor later hugged the girlfriend and left, then learned others knew the withdrawal was scheduled and now fears his presence was perceived as intrusive. The visitor feels devastated and uncertain how to make amends. The guidance is to avoid self-blame, offer sincere condolences, explain the visit was unknowing, and apologize if his presence caused pain.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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