"Our granddaughter, Amy, who shows in 4-H, decided to take her stepdad's last name when appearing at the fair. Our son, her father, is a big part of her life. This is the second year in a row she has done this, and it hurts me and my husband deeply. Her mother, stepdad and his family think it's great. Our son has no backbone and won't stand up to Amy's mother or put his foot down about the situation."
"DEAR PROUD: You wrote that your son is still a big part of Amy's life. Has your granddaughter explained why she's determined to do this? Could it be as simple as wanting to use a name that matches the parents who brought her to the event? You have allowed yourselves to become too involved in this. Retaliating by no longer subsidizing Amy's 4-H activities and withholding birthday and Christmas gifts may have been rash and could drive a lasting wedge that won't be easily repaired."
Granddaughter Amy, age 14, who shows in 4-H, began using her stepfather's last name at the fair for a second consecutive year, which deeply hurt her paternal grandparents. The child's mother, stepfather and his family approve, while the father is reluctant to challenge the mother. Grandparents confronted Amy and then announced they would stop supporting her 4-H participation and withhold birthday and Christmas gifts. Advice cautions that the motivation may be practical — matching the name of attending parents — and warns that punitive measures risk creating a lasting wedge. The recommendation is to pursue calm, rational conversations instead of retaliation.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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