"Make a list of the qualities you want in a partner. What values are important to you? What traits spark your interest? Think of all of the characteristics that appeal to you and write them down. Next, list the behaviors that irk you. What do you want to avoid in a relationship? Feel free to think about your ex and use what didn't work with him, but don't limit your list to only his attributes."
"Now reference your lists and look around. Who in your world reflects what you have listed? If you don't see anyone, expand your horizons. Put yourself out there to meet other people. When you think of your ex, remember the ways in which he did not measure up, even as you notice certain good qualities on your list that he does have."
Make a list of desired partner qualities, including values and traits that spark interest, and write them down. Create a separate list of behaviors to avoid and relationship red flags. Use the ex as an example of what did not work, but do not let the list be solely about that person. Compare potential partners against these lists and look for people in your world who match them. If none appear, expand social horizons and meet new people. When memories of the ex surface, actively recall how he failed to measure up and question whether the longing is for him or the idea of him.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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