"It bothers you, Miss Manners is guessing, because these outings are a chance for the neighborhood ladies to bond and connect. If members of the group are going to invite just anyone, who will be next? Husbands? Dates?! Of course, as these intruders happen to be pleasant and engaging, you could look at this as an opportunity to make new friends. Or you could be miffed because what you really want to do is gossip about the new mail person and exchange neighborhood secrets."
"If it miffs you enough, Miss Manners suggests you say to your friend, Lacey and Hannah were adorable. I would love to get to know them better. I just feel bad that they will be left out if we start talking about neighborhood stuff. Maybe we could get together with them in a different context? But please have this conversation with her before approaching the other neighbors, lest your friend becomes the new subject of neighborhood gossip."
Several neighborhood women formed a close cul-de-sac group that helps each other and sometimes dines together. One member habitually brings outside friends to those dinners, while others do not, creating discomfort for some who view the outings as private bonding time. The guests are pleasant, which complicates the reaction. Options include embracing new friendships or addressing exclusion concerns directly. A polite, private conversation with the friend can express worry that outsiders might be left out of neighborhood conversation and propose separate gatherings with the guests to preserve the original group's intimacy and avoid gossip.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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