"Dear Family Beef, my grandmother is 87 and hasn't talked to her sister, who is 93, for 10 years. They have always been at odds on and off and live on different continents, but used to at least have phone calls on their birthdays. But something just broke down a few years back and now neither of them picks up the phone or answer each other's letters. At least from my grandma's perspective, she said it is a dumb fight she now considers trivial."
"So let's start with the easier piece: Your ability to connect with your great aunt and that side of your family can be a separate thing from your grandma's ability to connect with her sister. Those two have a shared history and dynamic that is theirs, and you are not required to carry that history or energy into your own dynamics."
""It's OK for family members to still reach out and connect to people that they don't have a conflict with. Just because Grandma and Aunt Bessie don't talk doesn't mean I need to allow that to interfere in my relationships," Catherine Hickem, LCSW, told HuffPost."
An elderly sibling pair has been estranged for a decade after a breakdown in communication, ending regular birthday calls and letter responses. The elder with health limitations cannot travel to reconcile, prompting worry about future regrets and lost access to that side of the family. Adult descendants worry about missing relationships with extended relatives but can pursue connections independently of the original sibling conflict. Maintaining separate relationships allows younger family members to form bonds without carrying forward the older generation's history or tensions. Reaching out directly to estranged relatives can preserve connections even if the siblings remain apart.
Read at BuzzFeed
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