"Due to the physical and emotional proximity characteristic of intimate relationships, breakdowns related to unmet needs and misunderstandings are inevitable. Most couples will employ tactics and coping mechanisms that reflect what they learned in their families of origin. Some of these more dysfunctional strategies include avoidance, domination, blame, accusations, psychological analysis, and lecturing. The most distressing maneuver is passive aggression, which is employed unconsciously and consists of withdrawal, sarcasm, deferring responsibility, extended silence, withholding valuable information,"
"Couples often hold the naïve belief that love will be all that is needed to address any problem that may arise. And with enough love, maybe there will be no problems. There are several reasons why love isn't enough. First, unresolved childhood issues stemming from some measure of abuse or neglect naturally surface in a committed relationship. Secondly, our capacity to cope effectively with different views and preferences is compromised under stress."
Breakdowns commonly occur in intimate relationships because physical and emotional proximity brings unmet needs and misunderstandings to the surface. Couples often repeat family-of-origin tactics like avoidance, domination, blame, accusations, psychological analysis, and lecturing. Passive aggression, used unconsciously, manifests as withdrawal, sarcasm, evasion of responsibility, prolonged silence, withholding information, forgetting agreements, refusing accountability, and gaslighting. Love alone fails because unresolved childhood abuse or neglect resurfaces, stress impairs coping with differing views, and fading idealization reveals partners' real shortcomings. Radical accountability means accepting responsibility for one's contributions to breakdowns and committing to personal growth while acknowledging strengths and developmental needs.
Read at Psychology Today
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