"For Sam and Avery, the argument didn't begin as an argument. It came up the way it often did, in the margins of an already long day. Avery had stayed late at work again. Sam had handled dinner, emails from the school, and a tense phone call with Avery's mother, who still stumbled over pronouns and pretended not to notice when corrected."
"On the surface, it did make sense. They had more flexibility. They were used to smoothing things over, anticipating discomfort, and stepping in before anything became a problem. What was harder to say was that over time, this role had begun to feel less like generosity and more like overextending themselves. When Sam tried to explain this, Avery moved quickly to reassure them. They talked about appreciation, about intention, and about how much they relied on Sam. The words were caring and meant to help."
Sam and Avery show a pattern where one partner increasingly absorbs household and emotional labor, leading to strain. Sam adjusts, smooths interactions, and avoids conflict until accommodation feels like overextension. Avery offers apologies and reassurance that are caring but fail to address the underlying imbalance. Surface-level reassurance bypasses the deeper work of naming patterns and redistributing responsibilities. Genuine collaboration begins with mutual understanding of ruptures and shared efforts toward repair. The PACER model provides a structured way to move from rupture to repair while preserving both partners' needs and preventing one person from disappearing into accommodation.
Read at Psychology Today
Unable to calculate read time
Collection
[
|
...
]