"Cecilia described it simply: The organizing aspect is very gendered. In the group chat between the two couples, she said, the messages tend to come from her and Lucy scheduling, adjusting, confirming. The men, she noted, rarely initiate these exchanges. When asked about this dynamic, Oliver put it more bluntly. I'll be the first to admit that there's a disproportionate amount of domestic labor that my partner takes on, he reflected. That is men being shit, he said simply."
"A few minutes earlier, Lucy's phone buzzes with a school email: a parent-teacher event for Thursday evening. She's been attending these events alone, but pauses this time. She wants her husband, Oliver, there. When she glances at the shared Google Calendar, she notices that Thursday is already accounted for. Oliver has a date with Cecilia. Lucy opens WhatsApp. She doesn't text her husband. She texts Cecilia. Cecilia replies quickly: they can find another night."
"Like many couples exploring consensual non-monogamy an umbrella term encompassing relationship structures that fall outside sexual exclusivity they initially understood themselves to be in an open marriage: one that allowed for physical encounters and casual relationships outside the marriage, but where emotional intimacy and romantic love between the two were still expected to remain centered within it. Over time, though, the boundaries shifted. What began as openness evolved into something closer to polyamory: not simply having sex"
Lucy receives a school email about a parent-teacher event and wants her husband present. She checks a shared calendar and sees Thursday is already booked for Oliver with Cecilia. Instead of texting Oliver, Lucy messages Cecilia, and Cecilia quickly agrees to reschedule. The shared calendar updates shortly afterward. Cecilia later describes the organizing dynamic as gendered, noting that messages about scheduling, adjusting, and confirming tend to come from her and Lucy, while the men rarely initiate exchanges. Oliver acknowledges a disproportionate share of domestic labor on his partner’s side and attributes it to men behaving poorly. Oliver and Lucy live in London with two children and practice consensual non-monogamy, with relationship boundaries shifting from an open marriage toward polyamory.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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