Intrusive thoughts can suck my balls
Briefly

Intrusive thoughts can suck my balls
"I can't work up the courage to talk to any of my friends when I'm having mental health issues. It hits the worst for me usually at 4-5 am, and I never want to wake anyone up when I'm having panic attacks that late due to my intrusive thoughts, even though being around people helps. I'm in a safe place and have a therapist/medication, but it feels like I'm not getting better every time I find myself back in this situation."
"I know that's not true. It just sucks."
I struggle to summon the courage to contact friends during mental health crises. Episodes are worst around 4–5 a.m., when panic attacks and intrusive thoughts peak. I avoid waking others even though social presence eases symptoms. I have a safe living situation and receive therapy and medication. Recurring returns to this state create a sense of stagnation and frustration, despite knowing recovery progress exists. The late-night timing, intrusive thoughts, and reluctance to burden others reinforce isolation and make reaching out feel particularly difficult.
Read at Portland Mercury
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