"I was younger by a couple of years, and we didn't know each other well, but we shared an extended friend group. I have a vivid memory of being in the back of his truck when he intentionally hurt an animal while driving. He did not express any remorse, quite the opposite. He wouldn't pull over, and I became physically ill. That image has stayed in my mind. He says he's a different person now, nearly 15 years later."
"This isn't really about him. This is about the events that you both have to live with in the past. What you experienced in the past was traumatic, and it hasn't left you ever since. There may be little he can do to help lessen the emotional impact. Declining to pursue a relationship isn't about punishing him in the present so much as it's about acknowledging some actions in your shared history are too large to get around."
A woman unexpectedly reconnects with a man from her hometown at a date and recalls a traumatic childhood memory of him intentionally hurting an animal in his truck, causing physical illness and lasting distress. She questions whether he could have genuinely changed over fifteen years and whether she can move past the seared image. Change alone does not obligate others to revisit relationships. Traumatic memories can persist and undermine trust. Declining to pursue a relationship can be an acknowledgment that past actions are too large to overcome. Moving on is a valid option when the memory is a poor foundation for intimacy.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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