"Contrary to earlier theorists, Johnson argues that the drive to attach ourselves emotionally to others, those who are dependable and loving, is innate, normal, and critical to health and happiness throughout life. Children who securely attach to parents tend to become calm adults who readily connect to partners. Children who lack such attachment tend to become adults who anxiously, aggressively seek connection, or who learn to withdraw emotionally."
"Johnson explains that most fights are really protests over emotional disconnection, where partners feel they can't count on and depend on each other to respond warmly, dependably, and emotionally; that they don't feel like they matter, are valued, and are needed. In the most common conflict pattern, one partner angrily attacks, nags, or criticizes to gain a loving connection. The other partner (often, but not always, the male) withdraws, perhaps retreating to silence, work, and predictable routines."
Humans have an innate drive to form emotional attachments to dependable, loving others, and secure attachment supports health and happiness across life. Secure childhood attachment encourages calm adults who readily connect to partners, while lack of secure attachment produces anxiety, aggressive seeking, or emotional withdrawal. Most conflicts reflect protests over emotional disconnection when partners feel they cannot depend on each other to respond warmly, be valued, or be needed. Common cycles include one partner attacking to elicit connection and the other withdrawing into silence or routines. Couples can learn emotionally focused skills to soften interactions, express vulnerable needs, repair ruptures, and build lasting bonds; some trauma remnants heal best within secure relationships.
Read at Psychology Today
Unable to calculate read time
Collection
[
|
...
]