For many of us, especially those with anxious attachment patterns that were formed in early childhood, a pause in connection can feel like abandonment - not because it's the reality of the situation, but because it reminds us of old feelings and stories.
"I want to live a life I'm not disturbed by." It was an intense session with a new client, a 30-something single mother baffled by a long and winding trail of chaotic relationships-from partners whose fingers kept sneaking back to dating apps, to outbursts of rage toward those she loved most, often triggered by something trivial. A kind, intelligent woman with gentle eyes and a warm demeanor,
We've all had rough days when nothing goes right, and we think, "Why does this always happen to me?" That thought feels awful, but oddly comforting. Self-pity is an emotional state we love to hate. We know that it stalls growth and recognize that it doesn't make us more likable, and yet many of us find ourselves stuck in its grip. Here are six reasons that help explain why it develops and why it's so hard to overcome.
A huge mistake we make in love relationships is assuming that events and behaviors mean (or should mean) the same to both partners. Behaviors and events rarely mean the same to partners, who almost invariably differ in: Temperament Metabolism Hormonal levels Core vulnerability Family history Life experiences Developmental trajectory (matured at different stages) All of the above influence the meaning we give to events and behaviors.
