Forgiveness is often offered as a powerful solution, as an agent to not only help you heal from painful events but also allow you to move forward. The general idea is that holding onto anger can make you bitter and hold you back from healing from harm that someone has done to you. But the problem is that there are several serious complications when we try to use forgiveness as a solution.
At one point in evolution, they were necessary for physical survival. The situation is not quite so dire in contemporary human interactions, but we still depend on others for our connection and sense of well-being. Young children who are not touched or given the opportunity to connect with a caring adult may fail to thrive. Even our successes as adults only yield positive mental health benefits when they are supported and celebrated by those with whom we have meaningful relationships.
Watching " It Was Just an Accident" feels like watching director Jafar Panahi 's tortured yet graceful inner monologue around the merits of forgiveness. The Iranian filmmaker's Palme d'Or-winning film, like his other works, was filmed without official permission from the Iranian government-a tactic that enables him to critique the authoritarian regime creatively and without censorship. It hasn't been without consequences; Panahi was first arrested in 2010, then released, and subsequently placed under house arrest.
Forgiveness, defined as a moral virtue, benefits both the forgiver and the offender. Yet, misunderstanding forgiveness as self-serving distorts its true essence. True forgiveness involves good-willed actions towards offenders, not just self-healing. Distinguishing forgiveness from emotional relief preserves its moral virtue. I often say when interviewed about forgiveness that about 99 percent of the people who attend my talks actually misunderstand what forgiveness is.
First and foremost, please be kind to yourself. I do not need to know much about you, dear reader, to know that you are likely struggling with something: regret, guilt, sadness, anger, or pain. The reason I know this is because these experiences are universal to us all. Please treat yourself with kindness as you navigate these challenges because it makes the journey more bearable.
At Charlie Kirk's memorial service, his widow, Erika, stunned mourners and a deeply divided nation by publicly forgiving her husband's assassin. But the solemn moment was soon undercut when President Donald Trump, speaking at the same event, veered off script to joke that, unlike Kirk, he hates his opponents. The crowd laughed, but the remark underscored just how quickly grace can be drowned out by grievance.
"On that day, this evangelist for American liberty became immortal," Trump said Sunday before tens of thousands of mourners inside the State Farm stadium in Glendale, Arizona. "He's a martyr now for American freedom." Trump described how Kirk would ask him to fly across the country to appear at his events with little notice. "You never wanted to let Charlie down," Trump said. "He worked so hard you just didn't want to let him down."
"That man, that young man I forgive him," Kirk said, wiping away tears as the audience at Kirk's memorial at State Farm Stadium in Glendale, Ariz., erupted in applause on Sunday. "I forgive him because it was what Christ did and is what Charlie would do," she said. "The answer to hate is not hate. The answer we know from the gospel is love and always love. Love for our enemies and love for those who persecute us."
Between breaks to wipe away tears and long pauses to collect herself, Kirk said she was forgiving the killer because that is what her husband would do, and because it is what their Christian faith calls them to do. That young man, that young man Kirk said at the podium, before quoting from the Bible. On the cross, our savior said, Father, forgive them, for they not know what they do.'
Most of us know the pain and isolation that occurs when we feel judged unfairly by others. We can move through the discomfort of judgment by understanding the reasons why others judge. By focusing on forgiveness and learning the lessons of our situation, we can adopt a healthy mindset. We all make mistakes. Sitting in the discomfort that judgment creates can deepen our connection to humanity.
These researchers explored the influence of forgiveness on the memories of victims and perpetrators of a wrong. In particular, they explored whether forgiveness affects people's ability to remember the details of past events, whether they can remember the emotions they experienced in that past event, and also whether that memory still elicits an emotion. Across several studies, participants were given a prompt to remember a past event.
Alanna Quinn Idris reflects on her life after surviving a brutal assault, enduring significant injuries including the loss of an eye and multiple facial injuries.
