#identity-formation

#identity-formation

In behavioral science, identity follows action. If you're generous, you'll begin to see yourself as generous. If you're a patient person, you'll come to see that as part of who you are. Over time, the brain will wire itself to repeat these patterns.

When I first met Rashida, she introduced herself with a disclaimer: "I'm a little intense." She said it with a grimace, as if the label left a bad taste in her mouth. I replied, "Good to know. What else should I know about you?" She told me she was a mother, a recent pickleball enthusiast, and a leader in risk and compliance at a Fortune 500 company. I thought maybe such a role demanded intensity, but I still asked, "Where does that 'intense' label come from?"

Growing up in a world that is home to multiple languages, values, and traditions, children often find themselves navigating cultural barriers that influence their development. Differences in parenting styles and changing societal expectations make this process even more challenging for children in multicultural family settings or communities. They need to balance their internal conflict with how the environment expects them to act, all while forming their own identity.

I must admit, dear reader, that I wasn't always a fan of change -not even a little. I wouldn't say I entered this world naturally inclined toward new or unfamiliar things. Like many children, I found comfort in routine-the joy that comes from ordinary moments repeating themselves. Whether we realize it or not, repetition builds a mental framework that quietly defines our comfort zones.

Every family has its labels. There's the "responsible one," the "troublemaker," the "baby," the " shy one." These roles aren't always written down, but they get handed out and reinforced in countless small ways: the jokes at family dinners, the stories told at holiday gatherings, the nicknames that stick long after they're funny. In my family, I was the "koala bear." Not because I loved animals, but because I clung to my mom-literally.

"If you are going to continue to live this lifestyle, you can no longer live under this roof," his mother said, his father standing there with his arms crossed.