#perfectionism

#perfectionism

Looking back on my own decades in life-student, waiter, pilot, FBI agent, graduate student, author, speaker-I can honestly say I've felt like an imposter at nearly every stage. From my first solo flight in a Cessna 152 at 17 to my first arrest of human traffickers in the Sonoran Desert, miles from any help, I often wondered, Do I belong here? Am I ready? Even as I rose through the ranks, I sometimes asked myself: Did I earn this, or am I fooling everyone?

I was on stage at the New York Comedy Club, about to deliver my first five-minute stand-up set in America. I'd memorized and rehearsed and memorized every word. After I delivered my first joke, my mind went completely blank. Nothing. For 30 excruciating seconds, I stood frozen like a deer in headlights. When I looked down at my palm for my SOS backup notes, all I saw was a giant smudge mark. My nervous, sweaty hands totally smeared the ink.

When did wellness become about achieving perfection, and when did leisure become a bad word? Perhaps it is the product of a society where self-worth is tied to productivity and external approval? In this context, we don't perform wellness for its own sake. It is the means to an end. Wellness tends to be how we weather the hustle. So what happens when you fall short of expectations set by yourself or others?

Sprawling out in Savasana can feel as close to perfect as you can get. As a result, you might attempt to curate a perfect experience. Maybe you arrange your arms and legs so they're *precisely* equidistant from your body or cover yourself with a blanket, pull it taut, and smoothen it of any wrinkles-and only then can you allow yourself to relax. But sometimes, it's these moments of striving for perfection that make us a little too "Princess and the Pea" about Savasana.

With the chaos of back-to-school season in the rear-view, both for me as a university professor and for my school-age kids, October feels like the perfect time to catch my breath. It's like the quiet before the storm. The Holidays are coming and, like most women, I take on the majority of the shopping, cooking, and remembering all the theme days at school (looking at you, "Ugly Sweater" Day) from Halloween to New Year's.

This Virgo season has been unlike any other. It has given us a full month to practice a new way of being. The first new Moon and lunar eclipse on August 22nd cracked open the door to healing old stories about our worth. The solar eclipse on September 21st is about to blow that door wide open, offering us the chance to step through and claim our power once and for all.

Biglaw in particular runs on insecurity. Not only do lawyers work insane hours, they're expected to perform with absolute precision. From day one, the message is clear: Miss a deadline (even if arbitrary) or make an error (however inconsequential), and your career is toast. The culture of extreme perfectionism breeds fear and anxiety, yet it remains the industry standard. The question is what this is doing to lawyers' mental state.

I'd look for something new to take on: a class, a language, a project, a degree. Once, in the span of a single week, I signed up for language classes, researched getting certified in something I didn't actually want to do, and convinced myself I needed to start training for a 10K. Because if I was doing something productive, I wouldn't have to sit with what I was feeling. That was the pattern: uncomfortable emotion → frantic pursuit of something "more."

Many high-achieving women are living with burnout without even realising it. On the outside, they appear calm, capable, and in control. They're delivering results, meeting deadlines, and holding space for their colleagues and teams. They are often the people others turn to for answers and support. Yet on the inside, the story can be very different. These women are running on empty. They are exhausted, disconnected from themselves, and quietly burning out.

Perfectionism is a simple way to avoid dealing with complex life problems. Perfectionists compare themselves only to their best parts, fixating on qualities they lack.

They may feel responsible for younger siblings and even their parents, she added. They may also feel like they need to carry 'the mental load,' or the invisible tasks required to keep a family afloat.

The individual in this state is confused and, even worse, terrified. Whereas joy once felt within reach, anhedonia diminishes one's sense of agency.

"Good enough is as good as appeased." I love this phrase because it helps me let go of perfectionism. In my case, perfectionism not only makes a job take longer, but it also keeps me from starting it in the first place...Mary Poppins reminded me that good enough is, well, good enough.

Melinda reflects on her battle with perfectionism, stating that her drive for self-improvement may have caused her to miss opportunities for spontaneity in life.